Day 1... Again

I just haven't been able to get my groove back after the miscarriage. I keep trying to work through it, and get back into the swing of my life, but honestly I keep most of it bottled up. No one except for Tony and a few random people even knew about the pregnancy, so I don't really have a venue to talk about it. But I did get up today and clean up my diet (wish I could say the same for my house... but that will come) and got to the gym. I signed up for a couple classes so that I would be forced to leave the house. Otherwise, I would be wasting 10 bucks per class! Can't have that now can we?

So, I get to the gym tonight, and I mainly keep my eyes on the floor and hope that no one will recognize me, 20 pounds heavier and with next to no hair... but no luck. The resident gorgeous gym rat walked right up to me and Tony and said "hey where have you been?" I of course blurted out the honest truth about the miscarriage, partially because the question surprised me and I didn't have time to lie, and partially because it would explain away my absence and weight gain. Win, win right? Ugh. She has never talked to us before... ever. And she intimidates me. Me! I have never been intimidated in my life! Much less by a 5'3" 115pound girl! With little effort my ass could probably knock her unconcious if she was standing too close in a Zumba class. But she is everything that I want to be. She's even training for the same goal that I have... only when she says "I'm training for a figure competition," it's not as laughable as it is when I say it. So, I dont' say it anymore. I'm not training for anything. I have no goals... less pressure to succeed that way.

But the big blow came from a couple of douchey college guys. You know the ones who hang out at the gym, lift for hours a day but never break a sweat, and maintain perfectly gelled hair. The ones who high five each other after every set, and refer to one another as "Bro". I can't fucking stand those guys. And today, they had something to say about me. Apparently, I look enough like a woman, even without my hair that they noticed... however they didn't think I'd been one long. They said I had to have been a recent post-op transsexual. Fantastic.

I can assure you, I have had a vagina my whole life. It came with ovaries, and I know how to use them!