The assertion that anything that can go wrong, WILL go wrong. That is my life lately for sure. My marriage is falling apart, Tony is 5 seconds from losing or quitting his job, every day a pregnancy looks less likely (which I guess most would consider a good thing given the turmoil in the relationship right now) and now we are being faced with the possibility of losing the annuity that keeps our life afloat. Murphy's Law.
First off, the marriage. Tony and I love each other so much. We always have, and we always will. recently though, I couldn't turn a blind eye to some of our issues anymore. We are on relatively good terms right now, but for all intents and purposes... we are separated. He is staying with his mom and I am here with these horrible rotten heathens I call children. I hope he's enjoying the vacation! In all seriousness though, it has been hard on everyone. the kids have adjusted so quickly though, I was shocked! or maybe it doesn't feel different to them yet because of Tony's work schedule. Things may feel drastically different this weekend, when they're used to 3 straight days of Dad, and then it doesn't happen. He has already decided not to come and see them today... so they will get a taste of that absence sooner than expected. I just hope that everything works out in the long run... but change takes time.
In the meantime, I need to find a job. Supporting this family financially is now half my responsibility. Especially now that the annuity is ending/has ended. We will not even be able to keep out heads above water now without 2 incomes. I'm completely freaked out about it, and feeling miserable for poor BooBoo. The other kids have always had me. I have been home with them every day of their entire lives. The Boo isn't going to have that, and if I do end up pregnant (which again, is looking highly unlikely) then that baby won't even know me. I wouldn't even be able to breastfeed. that makes me profoundly sad. Maybe that's why God didn't allow a child to come into the world right now. Well, among other things. I believe to an extent that these trials were sent to me as tough love. I won't say punishment, because I don't think God works that way. All I know, is it has been a while since I have been in a position to be blessed by the Lord, and that my friends is on me.
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